Thursday, November 8, 2012

You Know You're Nine Months Pregnant When ...

I'm part of the "November Birth Club" at ... and there was a recent post that made me chuckle!
"You know you're nine months pregnant when ...."

Of course, it got me to thinking about my own ways to finish that sentence!
So, purely for entertainment purposes ... here are some of mine AND some of my favorites from the other ladies in the November Birth Club! :)~

You know you're nine months pregnant when ....

... you cut in front of your three-year-old to use the public restroom.
... maternity shirts no longer cover your belly.
... you could trim your leg hair with scissors.
... you have to ask your kids to pick up after you because it's too hard to bend over.
... the only towels in the house that will fit around you are beach towels.
... you don't want to eat because you'd rather be able to breathe.
... you're hungry even though you just ate 20 minutes ago.
... you'd rather just sit on the toilet all day -- because you're going to have to pee as soon as you get up, anyway.
... you actually look forward to cervical exams. (Nothing like hearing the sweet words of dilation and effacement!)
... you eat mostly cold cereal and PB&J -- because they are easy and quick.
... you have to sit down to put on your underwear (or pants ... or socks ... or shoes).
... walking up the stairs sounds like the equivalent of running a marathon.
... you go to a restaurant and ask for a table (with movable chairs!) instead of a booth.
... getting up, showered, dressed and going to the grocery store is an ALLLLL DAY event.
... you ponder for five+ minutes whether getting up to get something is REALLY worth the effort.
... feeling "THIS CLOSE" to wetting your pants results in about five drops of urine once you make it to the toilet.
... you begin every phone call you make with "Don't worry, I'm not in labor!"
...  your breathing starts to sound like Darth Vader anytime you do anything remotely physical.
... you look at your belly sideways in the mirror at least once a day to see if the baby has dropped.
... it's easier to use your belly as a table than an actual table.
... you get into bed at night -- and have to get up again to pee before you actually fall asleep.
... you no longer care if your water breaks in public.
... you seriously consider installing a tow rope next to your bed so you can get up on your own.
...your hubby gets about a quarter of the king-size bed -- the rest is belly and eight pillows.
... your belly is so big it makes your butt look small.
... it takes you five minutes to roll from your left side to your right side, all the while grunting like a pig.

Gotta love pregnant humor!  (It's either laugh or cry, right?:)~
How about you ladies out there!?  Got anything to add???


  1. OMG I remember these like yesterday!
    So funny.
    Well, not when you are going THROUGH it but funny after.
    Not too much longer!!!

  2. Oh my YES!!! That's exactly how it made me relive it all over again!! Can't wait for MAX!

  3. HaHa! I wrote the same post back in March when my little man was due, and the memory is still too fresh in my mind. Now looking back, all I can say is "Thank Goodness it's OVER!" It'll all be over for you soon now too. Just keep laughing ;D

  4. I laughed out loud about the "feeling THIS CLOSE to wetting your pants and peeing 5 drops once at the toilet" one! That is sooooo true for me right now. I am going on 38 weeks, and I told my Husband that maybe I should wear a diaper to bed so that I don't have to get up ten times a night. All night long I get up and say "I'll go one more time before I REALLY fall asleep". That usually goes on until 4am when I actually fall asleep. But, I will miss being pregnant, honestly!!!

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Thank you for your comments!
I love EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. :-)