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Tuesday, July 2, 2013

My name is Bec, and I am NOT a runner.

Yep, that title pretty much sums it up.
A runner, I am not.


Never have been.
And by never . . . I mean <NUH-EV-ER> . . . NEVER.

Like, even back in my volleyball days, when I was actually in shape, I dreaded the days we'd have to run more than the usual 5-10 laps around the gym for a warm-up.
On occasion, my coach would get mad enough at the team to make us run a mile - and once, it was even two miles.

Yes, I said once.
And yes, I remember this day.
All too well.
(That is soooo pathetic, but I hated running that much.)

Why did (do) I hate it so much....?
It's HARD.  
And I can't do it.
That's the short answer.

And here's the long answer . . .
1. I can't breathe.
2. I get a side ache.
3. Everything hurts.
4. I feel like a two-ton elephant.
5. I sweat like a pig.
6. I'm bored out of my mind.
7. I have a million other things I'd rather do (like clean out the bottom of the garbage cans or birth another child without an epidural).
8. My chest feels like it's going to explode.
9. I wonder if I'm having a heart attack every time I try it.
10. I feel pathetic for being so pathetic.

Need I go on . . . ?
Does anything about the above list sound enticing to YOU?

Well, I know there are lots of you crazies out there.
Matter of fact, I'm related to - or friends with - most of them.
I'd say a good 75% of the people I spend the most time with are serious runners.
And by serious, I mean . . . they do it on a daily basis.  And they ENJOY it.
(I don't know why I'm drawn to crazy people, but it's a fact of my life.)

Anyway.
Let's just say, I spend a lot of time hearing about running and races and this many miles and that many hours, etc, etc. . .
Not that I mind.
(I really don't.)
But running has always been their thing . . . everyone else's thing.

The thought of joining any one of them on a run is nothing short of a perfect mixture of laughable . . .  and terrifying.
(And I can truly say, it has never even crossed my mind to attempt it!)
Nope!  
No, thank you.  


So now . . . prepare to be shocked.

About three or four months ago, I (in a moment of insanity) downloaded the Couch-to-5k app on my iPhone.
I blame Jillian Michaels.
(If you follow my blog's facebook page, you know I did Jillian's 30 Day Shred in an attempt to rid myself of the extra pregnancy pounds after Max was born.)

I'm not sure if it was because I was so sick of her voice, I couldn't fathom doing that video for another 30 days. . . or if I was actually feeling more strong and fit than I've felt in some time, and therefore, felt (again, in a weak moment) that I might actually be able to run 5 kilometers.
In a row.
(And Kari didn't help, either.  She was training for a 5k at the same time, and kept insisting if she could do it, I could do it. .... I still love you, girl!)


Annnyway, I started the program.

I ran (if you can call it that when you're "running" 90 seconds at a time) - three days a week.
Every week, I thought I would NEVER be able to move on to the next week's schedule.
(Run for five minutes straight? . . .  No way!  Eight minutes?? . . .  Yeah, right! . . . And let's not even talk about Week 6, Day 3:  Run for 22 minutes. . . . Ummmm, NOT happening.)

Miraculously, I managed to complete the program.
Only problem?
The program ends with you running for 30 minutes straight.
Which I can do.
But there ain't no way I'm running 3.1 miles in 30 minutes.

I'm lucky -- and I do mean LUCKY -- if I can squeak in under a 12-minute-mile pace.

Yes, I'm basically walking.  There are probably little old ladies who power walk the malls every morning who would blow by me "running."

I wish that was an exaggeration.  


But the bottom line is . . . I guess . . . I'm running.
It isn't pretty.

[Let me take a moment to give you a visual:  
You know that Hawaiian Punch stuff?  
Picture that color, only about 15 times more RED.  That's my face.  
Ever been in a monsoon?  Get soaked much?  
Yep, that's almost how soaked I am at the end of my run.]

So.
Why am I posting this now?
Well . . . Sunday morning (the only day my hubs is home now), I got up at 5:30 before church, and I ran FIVE. WHOLE. KILOMETERS.
In a row.

It was seriously monumental.
I can honestly say, with 100% certainty, I have NEVER run that far IN MY LIFE.
I almost couldn't believe I'd done it.  It took me 36 minutes, so it's not like I deserve any medals here, but it actually happened.
(I use the RunKeeper app now, so it tracks my time/distance with GPS.)

So, now what?
At this point, I'd be perfectly happy to quit and never run another step in my life.
But somehow, I've been finagled into running a 5k "race" (it's a just-for-fun one - not even timed - yahoo!) with my BFFs and my sister at the end of the summer.

This, unfortunately, means I have to keep this up for two more months.
With my hubs working out of town six days a week now, this is going to be an interesting challenge for me (no, I don't have a treadmill).   I really am lucky if I "get to" run two days a week!  My "team" might be dragging my sorry butt over the finish line . . . good thing I know they love me, and they won't mind. : )~


And now, to all of my "real" runner friends who are learning about this for the first time . . . 
Don't ask me to run with you.  (I mean this in the nicest possible way.)  I really am still a pathetic excuse for a "runner", and I don't have plans of that changing.  
And don't ask me to run in any races, either.  
Particularly any that have the word marathon anywhere in them.  
(That seems to be the thing lately.)


I will not ever be running a marathon, a half-marathon, or even a quarter-marathon, for that matter.  
I have zero desire . . . and let's be real . . . I'm just too dang lazy.  

But I'll gladly cheer you on! :-)

Phew!  
If you're still here, thanks for hanging on through this ridiculously long-winded post.  
I have a hard time telling stories the short way.  

And Bec + running = a very long (and slow!) story!
Ha! 

One more thing I will say . . . I think I have proven (to myself, at least) that anything IS possible!  
I definitely never thought I'd see the day I wrote a blog post on this topic! : )~

My name is Bec, and I am a (very slow) runner. 

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14 comments:

  1. Hahahaha...Laughing so hard. Not at you but because I am the exact same way. Running is the last thing on this earth I would choose to do. Congratulations to you! This really is quite an accomplishment!

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  2. I think it's great!!! I am one of the crazies that loves running. Love the time to myself..even though my 3 kids are either playing on the track or in the basement if I am on the treadmill. Congrats to you and keep up the good work!!! oh and a 12 minute mile is still a mile...never get discouraged with that! My favorite pace is around 11 minutes. Sara from Missouri.

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  3. Hello Bec...(said in a monotone R.A., runners anonymous, type of way} I TOTALLY agree with you. I believe some of us are just born with the capability of seeing the demented aspect of people who love to punish their bodies to the extreme! That being said, I'm am truly impressed with the fact that you stuck with it! What a wonderful accomplishment. But, PLEASE, do MOT go to the dark side ;-) Hehehe

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  4. Good For YOU!!!! I feel the same way, and look the same way too!! (beet red, sweating like a pig...not pretty). Oh. and I am sooooooo slooooowwww!

    I admire your stick-to-it-iveness! Keep it up!

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  5. Way to go Bec!! You know me I LOVE to run, but I also know how much you hate it!! Don't worry I won't talk you into running a race but yay you for pushing through something to achieve a goal : ) And it doesn't matter how fast or slow you run but that you finish! isn't that a famous quote somewhere out there : )

    Sherry

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  6. SO hilarious and one more thing we have totally in common!! I hate running. I took a running class in college and never much loved it. I remember thinking....one foot in front of the other...now Dave runs and is going 15 miles and wants to run a marathon. I am hoping to stay out of all of this running, but who knows...maybe I will be running too eventually. Ha!! You sound like my type of runner for sure. Love ya!

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  7. WOW! Just the fact that you are out there makes you a winner!! You are awesome and I am SO proud of you!!! I hate running too, but I still TRY to do it cause I think its good for me. I always tell myself "one foot in front of the other," "I am at least moving faster than the people sitting at home," and most importantly, "that I am first place in my shoes." Keep up the good work and before we know it, we may actually begin to like it! ...maybe? ;)

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  8. OMG you made me laugh this entire post!
    THIS IS WHY YOU MUST BLOG.

    I am in awe of you.
    I need to get my groove back and you just keep going.
    And going.
    And going.

    I am so proud of you and I can't wait to hear how you LOVE the Color Run.
    You WILL love it.
    It is THE perfect 5k to start with.

    I only wish you were closer to motivate me.
    :)

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  9. I love your blog! Thank you for your words of inspiration, I just started the couch to 5K ( now in week 4) in order to run a 5k with my daughter (22) who has ran many of them. I just pray to finish it!

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  10. oh you and me BOTH! Though, I did do cross country in high school (TEN years ago)... so I used to be a runner. And in some ways, once a runner, always a runner. But it's not something I ever think about doing. All my friends (mostly Silverton friends... we must "run" with the same crowds. haha at my cheesy pun), are major runners. I'm like, peace out, I'll walk the baby stroller! I DID run (for the first time in forEVER) over our camping trip this last weekend. I don't know what possessed me. I DID enjoy it, but not enough to make a "runner" out of me. No thanks. Would still rather fold laundry. :) BUT GOOD FOR YOU!!!!

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  11. Thanks for sharing this!!! I have a total love-hate relationship towards running It's kind of crazy because I can do a High Intensity Cardio workout for 55 minutes with no problem but tell me to run for 55 minutes and I will walk the other direction. I envy all those runners who have been able to find their inner peace through running and I am convinced my day will come where I too will some day maybe find that inner peace every keeps bragging about.

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Thank you for your comments!
I love EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. :-)